When you love someone, it makes sense to go the extra mile for them, even if that means waking up at 4:30 am to pack their lunch or taking an additional job to provide for them. This also includes children.
As Muslims, especially as men, Allah has enjoined in Surah Tahrim verse 6 to protect ourselves and our families from the fire. This might include going the extra mile to shield them from temptation, like taking an extra job to provide for the children so they do not resort to stealing, hitting the gym to look fit for one’s wife, or a woman beautifying herself to prevent her husband from being distracted.
All these are good, moral, and reasonable things to do. However, the only sustainable way to do this for a long time or to be satisfied doing it is WHEN IT IS DONE FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH.
When we do these things either to please a child, a spouse, a relative, or a loved one, what happens if there is no gratitude, what happens when the doer stops caring about what the receiver goes through or not?
Say a man begins to go the extra mile because of his wife, just so she could not be tempted with this or that. How many lengths will he go, and how many temptations can he make provisions against? This is where the story of Asma bint Abibakr, the wife of Zubair bn awăm, comes into play.
The Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) offered her a ride on his camel out of pity, but she declined because she knew how her husband might react. For this woman, whether or not her husband goes the extra mile to provide a camel for her, which would be a good thing, she did not put her husband in a perpetual need to be on his toes.
As a child, be content. Your Father may see a thing you need and decide to go the extra mile for it; albeit, don’t make him feel useless by putting it to his face that this is what he could have been doing. As a man, don’t put your wife in a position to wake up to cook by 4:30 because another woman offers to bring an extra spoon to work so you eat from it. And as a woman, don’t put your husband in a position to hit the gym because you are tempted by someone with a six-pack somewhere. How many packs does your husband need to ward off hundreds of six-packs you will see in your lifetime?
In the case of the Deborah woman trending on Twitter, neither the man nor the woman has done anything wrong. She did what she could for her marriage. The joke is on the miserable feminists who are looking to make others as miserable as they are.
Do good… Be motivated by doing it to earn Allah’s pleasure, do it as a form of moral duty, not entirely out of jealousy or the need to keep.
Check Qur’an 92:18-21.
Bashir Lucas Samson Lukman