“You’re divorced!” or “Divorce me!” is the last statement any sensitive spouse would utter. It is no sumptuous delicacy to be chewed like gum. But the other way round is the case these days.
When a woman encounters the other side of marriage, quitting the bond occupies her mind as though some angelic man was by the gate to offer her a flawless togetherness.
Where your mind is overridden by such a destructive whisper, seek refuge with your Lord from the accursed. And where that seems not working due to the weight of your spouse’s excess(es) or the degree of your own anger, kindly confide in a trusted cleric to help out. Note: the imam/alfa needs your prayers for guidance too.
Once I arbitrated in a marital imbroglio, the woman sought a divorce from the husband to which the man accented after a grace of days. All efforts exerted to make both parties rescind their decision went into deaf ears.
They were tired of each other after seeds of the womb had been sewn and fruits harvested. The meeting was deadlocked having sat from Asr till Maghrib.
The woman was to observe her ‘iddah as statutorily required by the Sharee’ah. After a while, the woman, in soberness, called to seek an audience with her. There she was advised to go beg her husband, but her man was rather hell bent. When I spoke to him pleadingly, he said:
“Thank you for your efforts so far, imam. I never planned to divorce her. She asked for it. I gave her a few days to think about it. She did and maintained her stance. Now that I am doing her wish, there is no going back! I am sorry, sir.” My persuasions, pacifications were humbly, respectfully rejected. And since I couldn’t forcefully prevail on him, I stayed back.
The day the ‘iddah ended, the woman reached out to me to seek a favour – that I appeal to the man to stay out of the house temporarily since she had nowhere to keep the children and the ‘iddah would be over in few hours. “Didn’t you think of this before you adamantly requested him to divorce you?” I quizzed. The puzzled woman became mute and could no more produce further words.
Wish our women could learn from this. Let’s think of the various disadvantages of divorce before riding on its camel. Sometimes it may be the way to go. But most times, it is not.