A mother advises her daughter before her wedding:
Asma’ bint Kharijah Al-Fazari said to her daughter before her wedding, “O my daughter, you are about to leave the nest where you grew up to sleep in an unfamiliar bed and to live with an unfamiliar man. Be the earth for him, and he will be your sky; be a resting place for him, and he will be your support; be his slave, and he will be your slave. Do not be clingy and possessive so that he would be disinterested in you; and do not become too distant from him so that he would not forget you. Should he draw near, draw close to him; and should he keep a distance, stay away from him. Watch for his nose, his hearing and his eyes so he will smell nothing from you but that which is sweet, hear nothing but that which is good; see nothing but that which is beautiful.”
A father’s advice to his daughter:
Abu Al- Aswad Ad-Du’ali said to his daughter, “Beware of jealousy because it is the key to divorce. Adorn yourself, and remember that kohl is the best cosmetic. Apply perfumes, and remember that a perfect ablution is the best perfume. Follow my advice to your mother: take what I give to you contentedly and you will win my love; and do not say a word when I am angry, because when love and anger get together, anger does away with love.”
Banu Tamim women make the best wives:
Shurayh Al-Qadhi said to Ash-Sha‘bi “You should marry from the women of Banu Tamim. I have seen how wise they are”. Ash-Sha‘bi asked, “How?” Shurayh replied,
I passed by their homes and saw a girl who was as good as girls can be. So, I asked for her hand in marriage. On our wedding night, the women of the tribe escorted her. When she came into the house, she said that it is an act of the Sunnah for the man to perform a two-Rak‘ah prayer on the couple’s wedding night, then supplicate Allah The Almighty to provide him with her goodness and protect him from her evil. So, I performed the two Rak‘ahs and when I finished, I found that she had been performing the same prayer behind me.
When the guests left the house, I walked to her and stretched out my hand to touch her. However, she said, “Wait, Abu Umayyah (i.e., Shurayh).” Then, she said, “All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him, seek His aid, and ask for His forgiveness. Peace and blessings be upon Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. I do not know you and I have no idea about your character. So tell me what you like and I will do it, and what you dislike and I will avoid it.” She continued, “There must be among your people a woman that you could have married and a man among my people that I could have married, but Allah The Almighty has accomplished a matter already ordained in His Knowledge. Allah The Almighty has given you control over me, so obey Him in my regard; either retain me on reasonable terms or release me with kindness. This is all I have to say, and I ask Allah The Almighty to forgive us both.”
I found myself in need of delivering a speech. I said, “All praise is due to Allah. We praise Him, seek His aid, and ask for His forgiveness. Peace and blessings be upon Muhammad. You [i.e., his wife] have said many things, which, if you fulfill will be rewarded, but if you fail to observe, they will be evidence against you. I love such and such things, and I hate such and such things. You may spread whatever good deed you see, and should conceal whatever evil deed you see.” She, then, said, “What would you say about visiting my relatives?” I replied, “I do not like it that my in-laws get bored by seeing me too often.” She said, “Which of your neighbors would you let in your house?” I said, “The family of such and such are good pious people, and the family of such and such are bad company.”
Mustafa Sadiq Ar-Rafi‘i said:
A woman alone is the human environment of her husband’s home. A woman may come into her husband’s house to turn it into a beautiful garden, even if it was as empty as a barren desert. On the other hand, a woman may come into her husband’s house and turn it into a barren desert with her storms and heat, even if it was a beautiful garden. There is a third type of women who turn their husbands’ homes into graves.
Ar-Rafi‘i also said,
The perfect and loveable woman is the one who gives the man all the meanings of life that he lacks, and delivers happiness from her emotions like she delivers babies. Women play two great roles in life: increasing life itself in the physical sense of the word, by begetting children, and they make up for what may be missing of the meanings of life.
It was said that there are three types of women:
1. A woman who is like a redolent rose that blooms in a beautiful garden. The nearer you draw to such a woman the more you wish to be even nearer. When you are away from her, you yearn to see her again. She is your comfort, oasis and flower in all cases.
2. A woman who resembles a thorn or a spear, and her tongue is like the lashing of a whip. Whenever you go near her, you wish to go away and when you go away, her image will haunt you wherever you go. When it is time to return to her den, you will have to face the worst. If you escape her arrows, you will not escape the lashes of her tongue. Thus, mobilize your defenses.
3. A woman that turns the house into a grave, giving you two only options; to bury her or to let her bury you.
However, we should say that men are like women in this regard, that is, they fall into the same three categories.
Shaykh Jasim Muhammad quoted a woman advising her fellow women saying:
A man can never love his wife unless she endeavors to make him love to stay at home in every possible way, including the following:
1- To maintain a feminine look and avoid behaving like a man. A woman should know that her husband loves to see her in the house like the sun in the sky without any dark cloud of frowning covering her face, particularly if her husband returns home with a long face for a reason that has nothing to do with her. A wife should be acquainted with the etiquette of conversation. She should remain silent when silence is appropriate; she should never interrupt her husband when he is speaking, and she should never raise her voice when speaking with him. In all cases, a wife must adhere to truthfulness, as it is the only thing that may save her from any doubts about her love and sincerity.
2- A wise wife who sees herself to be smarter than her husband should conceal half of her intelligence and knowledge revealing, instead of them, sincerity and compassion to win the love and respect of her husband.
3- A wife should know that her husband does not endure to see his wife treating him with disinterest. So, she must beware of these bad habits and console her husband with comforting words.
4- A wife should be economical and wise in spending money, because it is a great pleasure for the husband to see his wife spending the money that he gives her wisely and properly in such a way that satisfies all the needs of the house. A husband also likes his wife to be smart enough to understand what he says.
If the wife applies these pieces of advice, her husband will spend his spare time at home talking and joking with her. This means that he will stay away from undesirable or evil hangouts.
Standard of marital happiness:
The separating line between a husband’s happiness and misery is whether his wife supports him to overcome the downs of life or helps the downs of life against him.
Types of wives:
There are three types of wives:
1- A wise and well-brought-up one, and she is the most honorable wife
2- A righteous and contented one, and she is the easiest to satisfy
3- An ignorant and peevish one and she the most troubling wife
An old woman got sick and her son brought her a doctor. Upon entering, the doctor noticed that she was dressed up in colorful clothes and he therefore understood her problem. So, he said to her son, “This woman is in need of a husband!” The son countered, “But she is old!” His mother, who was listening, interfered immediately saying, “Woe to you son, the doctor certainly knows better than you!”
Finally, let us give the same advice that the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave to Mu‘ath, may Allah be pleased with him, when he said to him: “O Mu‘ath, by Allah, I love you!” Mu‘ath, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “May my parents be sacrificed for you, O Messenger of Allah! I do love you too.” Thereupon, the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “I advise you not to miss supplicating after every prayer, saying: `Allaahumma a`inni `ala thikrika wa shukrika, wa husni `ibaadatik,’ [O Allah, help me remember You, express gratitude to You and worship You in the best manner].”