— Sanni Kay Yusuf

If I was asked to itemise stuffs I disliked doing as mosque administrator, two things would top my list: arbitrating in marital discords and being consulted to know whether or not a suitor is worth making a good husband.

Marital matters threatening peaceful coexistence between spouses are usually not blown out until dust had been raised and waves had spread it beyond the imam’s quelling prowess. At that juncture, the two parties would have to bear blames, though on a varied scale.

Where the wife is lashed for her untoward excesses and is thereafter admonished to avoid same on her hubby, the arbitrator, sometimes, is seen as partially tending towards the husband’s side. For instance, a woman who abuses and curses her man indoor and in the open wants to be patted on the back for a dignifying treat meted out to her husband. The one who, even at the reconciliation ground, acts saucily to the husband wants the imam’s pampering palm on her head for doing Islam proud. Imagine the height of irrationality!

Some women do not know that the filthy acts displayed by them, especially before people helping to put their marriages right, are a reflection of the kind of home training they got. They are either saying they are “abi i ko, or ako o gba”. A responsible wife does not do a parallel talk with her husband. While he vibrates, she should be on a silence mode.

The myth that the woman takes all blames in any marital brouhaha is, for me, a messy injustice. It’s barbaric. I grew up knowing that even where the man should be smacked or dealt some strokes of the cane for some unworthy excesses of his, the woman is rather considered blameworthy. That’s barbaric, I so repeat. Such is only obtainable in a society of slaves who reserve no human rights. The human world isn’t a jungle. The man should bear his share of the blame. He should be told his wrongs – to his face – not minding whose ox is gored.

A man who batters harder than Anthony Joshua wants the imam applaud his show of shame. Where he gets blamed for his dirty behaviour, the imam is rather held partial. He may say the imam is on the side of his wife. How on earth would the imam favour one who should have a haven in the jungle with gorillas? I honestly don’t know with what such fellows think.

Some men are worse that they hit their pregnant women, yet they want commendations for their moral bankruptcy. We even hear some ignominious ones adduce their area-boy attitude with verses of the Qur’an. People can be so bold that they whimsically twist Allah’s words to suit their sentiments. Chai! Like a sheikh said: “some men deserve a collective, organized beating to straighten their crooked heads”. The laughable thing is that the celebrated beaters are very hard when they handle the mic. In their sermons you feel the peak of piety, but with their wives their attitude is porous. Allahumma sallim!

The one who still eats from hand to mouth with a reflection of that in his living style wants the imam’s signature when the wife cries out his bid to take in a second wife. Where the imam candidly advises the sex-famished ninny to be patient, he holds the adviser on the list of his enemies and accuses him of favouritism. He may even go as far as blackmailing him of some shady and shoddy relationship with his embattled wife. They take falsification as weapon where they aren’t finding their desire rosy.

Some men are just too arrogant to be husbands. They don’t wish changing their stance even where they are stark. Only those who are full of themselves do such trash. Igbera ni igbera sanle!

While women who could not cope with such animalistic men had exited the bondage, some are still hopefully praying to their Lord, perhaps they would return to the human world.

May I suggest, at this juncture, that mosque administrators should consider orientating their congregants periodically on how a blissful matrimony can be ensured. Apparently, Muslim men and women (married and singles) need to be tutored.


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