Like the man is naturally polygynous, the woman is naturally monogamous. She is apparently jealous and meticulously protective of her marriage from being enjoyed by another woman. She loves her husband so much that she doesn’t want anyone come between them – not even the mother-in-law who seldom visits their home – let alone someone who will practically take fifty percent of the husband’s heart.
If the second wife were the first, she would react the same way the first would. No woman loves sharing her darling partner with another woman. It is inevitably natural of them.
The second wife doesn’t want the third to come in, too. If she had her way, she would ensure all machinations that would see to the eviction of her predecessor. They say there is love in sharing, but apparently not in the case of marriage, as largely demonstrated by women.
Don’t be mesmerised by the length of hijab, nor hypnotised by the use of niqab, women are women. If women were availed the privilege of proscribing just one law from the Sharee’ah, it would take them no second to abrogate that which legalises marriage to more than one wife.
The second wife should take it easy with the first. She needs to perseveringly bear certain reactions exhibited by her predecessor, as she is likely to do worse if she were in the same shoes.
The kind of patience expected of the second wife is no show of stupidity, laxity or mediocrity; it is rather a display of sympathy and respect for the one whose treasure was split into halves. The first wife MUST react. It’s a natural reality. The second wife should be patient. It’s a fact.
These days, the second wife is always on the run to take the husband completely. She orchestrates plans that will make him send the other woman packing. She may even go fetish in order to realise the vicious dream. Pasan ti a fi na iyale n be lori aja fun iyawo. She has forgotten that the polygynous husband hasn’t turned monogamous – he may marry another wife who may be untouchably tougher than her. And in the end, she will join the first wife in the gutters she had sent her.
The first wife should be receptive of the second wife. Islamically, it is the prerogative of the man to either go polygynous or remain monogamous. The legislation of polygyny isn’t discretionary, but divine. Its legalisation is clear in Suratun-Nisaa Q4 V3: “…then marry women of your choice – two or three or four; but if you fear that you may not be able to deal justly (with them), then (stick to) only one…”
Therefore, going against the verse or any other word of Allah on account of whim and caprice is a naaqid min nawaaqidil eemaan (a spoiler among the spoilers of faith). All muslims must submissively accept every bit of the Islamic injunctions, one of which is polygyny.
The woman should not threaten her husband from getting the second wife. She should rather explore preventives such as good characters, obedience, hygiene, charming dressing, brilliance in domestication (especially in the kitchen), excellence in bed et cetera. If Allah wills, the man may never consider another woman even if wooed by the richest and in the most elegant way.
There is no reason fighting the second wife. Face your husband. He brought her in, after all. Quarrelling, fighting or establishing enmity with the second wife will be a display of immaturity and preposterousness.