If women were the ones afforded the latitude to marry more than one, men might do worse than women do today. They may not only act against the deed, but may go absolutely gaga.
Let’s pinch ourselves with the pin, stab ourselves with the knife and see how uneasy it is to accept the polygyny injunction. That’s the truth and the reality of the issue.
Imagine being all to yourself for a whole night (let alone some days) without your wife. Where is she? She is with her second husband. The whole week which used to be yours had become shared into halves. E no easy, bro! Even if the woman had all the affluence in this world to cater for four, accepting just like that may not be easy to go by. This is not because you are being rejectful of Allah’s injunction, it is just that you can’t help it. That’s the way women feel too.
This is why men should take it easy with their women. The second woman should be brought in, in peace for peace, not for pieces. The first should not be threatened with the coming of the second. If you imagine the same being done to you, you will be merciful to your woman.
Go for your heart, brother! Increase the demography of the palace to seek peace, not to tear your home into pieces. Give her emotion some consideration like she should if you were in her shoes. Know that she wants you to her like you can’t afford to share her with anyone.
Pious women are faithful to their fate. It had been ordained that men would be polygynous and women monogamous. If it had been decreed as such, your union would be incomplete without the other woman to fill up the vacuum. Some men are destined to have one woman. If your husband belongs to that category, neither he nor you can manifest it otherwise.
Women should stop the act of recounting all they did for their husbands when the greenlight of the second woman is lit, or the action taken. If all you did were to get Allah’s pleasure, recounting them on account of marriage to another woman may destroy the treasure, and on Judgement Day, your scale not pleasantly measured. Remember, all you did for him could never be up to all his mother had done in his life. It’s immaturity to recount your deeds. Stop playing to the gallery.
A man who cannot withstand his wife’s resistance to a thaaniyah is apparently unfit for the deed. The resistance may not be due to hate but nature – the way we would have felt and reacted if we were at the receiving end. The resistance may be due to the undying love she has for the love of her life. Nǹkan ẹnìkan ti wá di t’ènìyàn méjì báyìí. That’s the new, worrying state of her mind.
The woman needs help after the action had been taken. She should be assured that she is not abandoned. At that point, she needs the man’s love and care the more. Where she goes overboard, the man should be firm but compassionate with her. She should not be torn apart.
Our men should fear Allah in their bid to be polygynous. They should know that they would answer to how they faired with their wives on Judgement Day.
(وَاتَّقُوا يَوْمًا تُرْجَعُونَ فِيهِ إِلَى اللَّهِ ۖ ثُمَّ تُوَفَّىٰ كُلُّ نَفْسٍ مَا كَسَبَتْ وَهُمْ لَا يُظْلَمُونَ)
“And fear the Day when you shall be brought back to Allah. Then shall every soul be paid what it earned, and none shall be dealt with unjustly.
[Surat Al-Baqarah 281]