Some mothers-in-law seem not to know that having a child(ren) is by Allah’s unmatched, unrivaled and unquestionable might. They pester their daughters-in-law, inhumanly, for suffering delayed procreation. They tag them unprintable names and criminally adjudge them to be badluck to their sons.
Where the man shows his wife unfathomable understanding and refuses to take in another wife (or sends the existing one packing) as against family pressure, the woman is further misjudged to have diabolically prevailed on him. But what if the man is the problem – perhaps due to zero sperm count or some other health challenges – and the woman has decided to take fate? Or how is delay in procreation the automatic fault of the woman? Says who?
It baffles – excruciatingly – when the woman is reduced to nothing by family members who must have called her to a meeting or even blow the trumpet of her predicament so ridiculously loud that onlookers will not but pity the innocent lady. This is criminal, to say the least. What if their daughter were the woman in question, would they ever be glad if same criminality were meted out to her? Or how sure are they that one or two of their daughters wouldn’t be barren, forever?
Does any woman think becoming a mother is by anyone’s might? With or without gynecological issues, whoever is destined with no child will never have one to her credit. Who will dare question the unquestionable God?
Why are mothers-in-law like this? Why are they so wicked and insensitive that those ladies aren’t put in their own shoes or the shoes of their biological daughters? That’s how some are pushed into fetishism and they finally end up in the delicate den of soothsayers, thereby losing their life here and in the hereafter.
(لِلَّهِ مُلْكُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ ۚ يَخْلُقُ مَا يَشَاءُ ۚ يَهَبُ لِمَنْ يَشَاءُ إِنَاثًا وَيَهَبُ لِمَنْ يَشَاءُ الذُّكُورَ) (أَوْ يُزَوِّجُهُمْ ذُكْرَانًا وَإِنَاثًا ۖ وَيَجْعَلُ مَنْ يَشَاءُ عَقِيمًا ۚ إِنَّهُ عَلِيمٌ قَدِيرٌ)
“To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills (and plans). He bestows (children) male or female according to His Will (and Plan). Or He bestows both males and females, and He leaves barren whom He will: for He is full of Knowledge and Power.”
[Surat Ash-Shura 49, 50]
If you are in this kind of situation, just know that it is a test from your Lord. If you do not take faith in your fate, you will eventually fail, not only here but in the hereafter. Study the above verse critically and you will understand that it’s no fault of yours but your Lord’s will on you.
That you have no child now doesn’t make you a barren. It may be that your time to have one hasn’t ticked. Yes, it may be so. Allah’s time is the best, remember? I know someone who had a baby after 15 long years without the deceitful help of a fortune-teller. And it may be that you are destined with no child. Yes, that’s possible. What will you do if that’s Allah’s will on you? Nothing! Whichever the case, the only One to cry to is He Who had made it as such, not a powerless babaláwo, a fetish àlùfáà or a paganistic wòlíì. Remember, و من يتوكل على الله فهو حسبه
“And whoever puts his trust in Allāh will have Allāh sufficient for him.” (Surat-Talaq 3)
And as for your loquacious mother-in-law and her verbose daughters, sisters and friends who had worded you so ridiculously and unbearably, leave them to your Rabb to decide their case. They will come back to you seeking your forgiveness. That’s if you are steadfast with Allāh.
(فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا)(إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا)
“So, verily, with every difficulty, there is relief: Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.”
[Surat Al-Sharh 5, 6]
Sanni Kay Yusuf