SETTING BOUNDARIES BY BOTH GENDERS IN ISLAM By Shukrah Ibrahim

BOUNDARIES BY BOTH GENDERS IN ISLAM

In the era of western civilization where many of the people including Muslims see this form of civilization as “modern civilization or modern age”, the shaitan and his armies are so excited about how there’s an increase in the level of corruption between both genders.

Muslims living in societies where free-mixing between opposite genders is allowed need to take cognizance of Islamic Culture and etiquettes regardless of what the society considers to be acceptable or not. It is common practice to see Muslims following the ways of the Kuffar societies that they find themselves forgetting the dictates of Allah and His Messenger (Peace be Upon Him). We as Muslims need to be aware of the rulings of the religion and that it comes first before any other form of civilization. This is a big fitnah to the ummah.

With the normalization of free-mixing in the society between the opposite gender and each stepping on each other’s boundaries just because the society sees it normal, we have and need to set our own boundaries by ourselves and remind them not to cross those boundaries. The Muslims living in areas where free mixing is allowed need to set their own boundaries with their individual efforts.

Many things are seen as normal between the opposite gender and that’s because due to free mixing and how it has become the order of the day in many societies.  Laws guarding the rules of Mahram and non-Mahram are broken without guilt.

The sense of guilt in us is not spiked and that’s because we didn’t know about it nor the rulings pertaining to free mixing. Everyone is doing it and my society says nothing about it is why many people do not bother searching on what the shariah says on it and that’s why we see many Muslims do what they do without seeing it as a big deal.

Many families have normalized cousin friendship. “Oh, he’s your brother/sister. Go give him/her a hug” and there’s nothing in a guy going to visit a lady and vis-a-vis, shaking hands, hugging etc. Many mistakes would have been averted if only we but knew about the dangers of free mixing and not setting boundaries.

The boundaries have to be set by ourselves because we don’t even know each other’s boundaries, to begin with. What the religion says and what the society says. It’s easy to fall prey to this especially as pre-teenagers and teenagers.

Moreso, that’s why we see some covered sisters playing and laughing hysterically with guys and have problems with the opposite gender touching them slightly while having conversations. It’s not like it’s their fault. They are just in a society that makes it look normal and they easily lose guard. On our own, we have to always pinch ourselves that No, we shouldn’t be doing this. These things just happen on normal days when we just flow with the society.

Allah states, “O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allâh), then be not soft in
speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but speak in an honorable manner.” [Surah Al-Ahzab, 33: 32]. The disease here refers to lust. …”
This applies to just married women but to the Muslim female gender.

We are in a society where many men have lost gheerah and exposed their womenfolk to fitnah and a lady just goes out by herself because yeah, we are in the modern days.
And when anything happens,  we ask what took you there.

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…” Q4:34

As kids, parents need to start informing both genders on setting boundaries. When those boundaries are strong,  we wouldn’t be getting questions like how was your past like when potentials come. These kinds of questions arise due to what we see in the society. We now believe everyone has a past of unrighteousness.

Allaah has made intermingling of men and women unlawful in offices, parties, and gatherings. A man should not sit next to a woman that’s lawful for him to marry, especially a  woman who frequently intermingles with men. Allaah, the Majestic and Sublime made it unlawful to intermingle in the masajid. He commanded women to position themselves behind men to avoid intermingling, which is made prohibited in the place of worship, let alone other places.

Allaah, the Glorified and Sublime has made unlawful for men and women who are lawful (in marriage) yet are not wedded to be in seclusion.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “In every situation where a man and a woman are alone together, the Shaytaan is always their third member.” (Ahmad,  Tirmdhi and Hakim).

A  scholar said, “when free mixing becomes normal,  expect destruction the same way fire consumes wood.”

We as Muslims need to set boundaries for people to understand we are different from what the society says and wants and protect ourselves from fitnah. We need to categorically tell them, “Please I’m a Muslim.  I don’t do this and that, I don’t like this and that,  kindly don’t let this repeat itself again, etc.

“Oh Muslim brothers. You, men who are caretakers of women, men who are responsible for your families, fear Allah with respect to yourselves and families. Cultivate in them respectable manners and praiseworthy characteristics, and discourage them from becoming the very means which lead to temptations and tribulations. You are men and they are women and men have been charged with taking care of women because of what Allah has given one over the other and because men (are obliged to) spend their wealth to support them.

Fear Allah and take seriously the obligations Allah has placed on you. Do not neglect and waste your chances at raising your family. If you fail in the upbringing of your family and this man fails his family and that man fails, soon the entire society becomes corrupt. Society is a conglomeration made up of individuals, so when the individuals become corrupt the entire population is corrupt.”

They’ll call you names but it shouldn’t bother you because, The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Islam began as something strange and will revert to being strange as it began, so give glad tidings to the strangers.”

May Allah rectify our affairs.

Shukrah Ibrahim