Let’s keep it in mind that whatever we are doing it for the sake of Allaah. If you are obeying your husband, have it in mind that you are doing it for the sake of Allaah.
If you are pleasing your wife, do it for the sake of Allaah that Allaah may reward you for that.
Many marriages are failing today because the husband asks for more than he has as a right or that a wife asks for more than she has as a right. Remember, a right of the spouse is “mandatory” on his/her partner.
The second problem is the way children are brought up by parents. Are you bringing your daughter up to understand that she is going to be a wife and will live under a man? Are you grooming your son as a husband who will take care of a family?
Instead of teaching kids the “original intelligence” they need to succeed in life and in future matrimony, the only thing parents are teaching them is “artificial intelligence”
Allaah says in the Qur’an that women are equally entitled to rights that must be fulfilled by their husbands just as men do over the women. This verse of the Qur’an should make feminists know that Islaam doesn’t give women their rights.
There’s a story of Abu Dardaa who would fast all day and pray all night without having any need for his wife, Ummu Dardaa. One day, Slamaan Al Faarisii, Abu Dardaa’s brother came to visit him and got to know Abu Dardaa doesn’t give marital rights to his wife.
When Abu Dardaa came, Salmaan made him eat even when he was fasting and he stopped him two times in his attempt to perform Qiyaamul Layl until the third part of the night when they both performed Naafilah. When the day broke. Salaman Al Faarisii told his brother Abu Dardaa “Certainly, your Lord has a right over you and your soul has a right over you and your family has a right over you. Therefore, fulfill every person’s rights”. After hearing his brother scold and admonish him, Abu Dardaa went to report Salman to the Prophet. The Prophet said “Salman is right”.
There’s a case of a brother who told me he said to his wife “I know you married me because of my money. You see, your ‘mouth won’t touch from it. As I speak, both are divorced’ “.
It’s unfortunate that some sisters don’t look out for responsible men but comfortable men. Whereas if you marry a comfortable but irresponsible man, you will not be comfortable. But if you marry a responsible man, you will be comfortable. Even if he is not, you will be.
In his sermon during his last pilgrimage, the Prophet instructed the Muslims to “give women their rights”. According to the Shaykh, this is the fourth thing he mentioned.
“A responsible man must look for a submissive woman who will flow congruently with her. Two buttons don’t make a closure. If you have two button holes, your shirt will be left open. If you have two buttons, your chest will be exposed”
As much as we train our children to be accountants, we should train them to be responsible spouse. How many engineers and accountants who committed suicide because of the frustration they encountered from their spouses. Abu Naasir.
I’ve brought ten points on the rights of men and ten on women. If I start with that of men, the feminists will accuse me of male chauvinism, even though the last time I started with the rights of women. That said, I’ll still start with the rights of the women.
Rights of women are due to from their husbands.
1. The right to be treated well. Allah says “And live with them with RESPECT”. The Prophet also said, “The best of this Ummah is the best to his wife, and I am the best to my family”. Concerning this Hadith, Ulamaa said that if a man is good to his wife, it is likely that he is good in his religion.
Right 2 is “spending” on her. It’s a wrong statement to accuse a woman for being a burden on her husband for not working, since it’s the husband’s responsibility to that. This is a must even if the wife is a millionaire.
Also, spending on the wife must be according to the Husband’s ability. If a woman asks for 10k and the husband can afford it, then it’s a right of the wife that he gives it. That said, the woman should fear Allaah whenever she asks and the husband can’t afford it.
Allaah says “Let whoever has been granted a vast provision spend from it. And whoever has little, let him spend from the little he has….. Allaah will bring ease after hardship”.
It’s part of goodness for the husband to give his wife 15k when she asks for 10k. Allaah will reward him for that. And it’s equally good that when a woman asks for 10K and the husband can afford 4k, then the wife should be patient.3rd wife is CLOTHING (in capital).
4th is ACCOMMODATION. Allaah says “The one who the wife has birthed a child for (i.e the husband) must provide food and clothing with fairness”.
The rights of the wife must be fulfilled according to the wife’s need and d husband’s ability. For instance, if your wife wants to buy Bag and Shoe 100k (the audience murmur and laugh) and d husband can afford 20k. It’s not good for the wife to create a scene because of that.
The Shaykh said, the Prophet explained that the poor women of Israeel would ask their husbands to buy for them what the wives of the rich had. The Prophet said “The Dunya has been made lush green for you. So, fear Allaah and be careful of WOMEN, for the first Fitnah that happened to Banu Israaiil happened because of their women”.
The Shaykh said “Don’t kíll your husband with your needs. Don’t push him into fraud because of your needs. Don’t frustrate your husband your husband with your needs”.
And the Shaykh shared some very frank scenarios from the Prophet’s life whilst defining the basic apartment that a man should have to marry a wife.
From the rooms of the wives, especially the room of Aisha. There’s definition of standard room which is all rooms with their toilets (en-suite). Her needs and his abilities with the apartment needed.
If, however, a woman wants to marry a man who is at par with her in understanding of the Deen, then the husband must provide a means for her to learn the Deen.
5th right: Teach her the Deen. This is one of the reasons for which a woman can marry a man – so that she can learn her Deen from him. “Don’t marry a man who is just getting better in his Deen”.
6th right : He should not mention or publicize her faults. For instance, if a man’s wife does not know how to cook, the man must send her to go and learn to cook. By that, he benefits from it when she learns and cooks for him. It’s not beneficial for a man to Share the picture of his wife on social media, for it is likely that other men see the picture and like her wife. Meanwhile it is fisq for a man not to feel jealous when another likes his wife. Part of this 6th right is also that she has a right that the husband ‘GISTS’ with her.
The Prophet used to gist with Aaisha. The Shaykh added that “the husband must not forget the wife’s level before he married her”. For instance, the Prophet (saw) used to joke with Aisha and ask her questions about her doll. Imagine that!!! Maa Shaa Allaah!
Be positive in your thoughts about your wife. Even if she does something suspicious, you must be man enough to aks her about it. Allaah forbids us to have negative thoughts about one another.
It is very dangerous for a man not fulfill his conjugal rights with his wife. Then the Shaykh shared an experience of a woman who sought divorce because her husband couldn’t satisfy her in relations. Who would supplicate to Allaah to strengthen his private part for his wife (s).
It’s possible for a man not to know that he is weak in bed. The moment he finds out, he should seek to improve himself. He can meet with Scholars to explain him on that. He can also pray to Allaah to strengthen him on that. He cited the instance of one of the Salaf..The man can also take drugs/ medicine on this. And the Shaykh mentioned that it is said that taking a boiled unripe plantain with honey.
10th right is to fulfill conjugal rights with her. A man must be able to satisfy her wife in bed such that when he finishes with her she says “Maa Shaa Allaah”. The Shaykh said, “that’s the real Nikaah”.
Now, the Shaykh moved on to the
Rights of the Husband.
No. 1 is to obey him in his commands. This is compulsory except if the affair is haraam.
And the Shaykh rè-emphasized here that women must marry a responsible man. If she does, she will always understand his actions. Don’t marry a man you can not obey in “any circumstance” . Don’t marry a man that’s not responsible.
Right No. 2 is to SERVE his NEEDS: cook for him, wash his clothes, iron them and be always there to meet his needs.
Women don’t have any problem in Islaam. The Prophet (saw) said “as long as she observes her prayer (Salah) fasts her fast (Ramadan) and obeys her husband, she will enter Jannah from any door she wishes”.
The Shaykh added that Faatimah is better than any other woman on earth and her father is better than our fathers.
When Faatimah complained to her father of her plight (that she has a tedious work), the Prophet did not giver her a slave. Rather, he told her whenever you are tired, say “SubhaanaLLaah 33, AlhamduliLlaah 33, Allaahu Akbar 34,” before you sleep.
3rd Right. She should be grateful to him and not undermine his efforts. The Prophet says “Allaah will not look at a woman who does not appreciate her husband in spite of the fact she can not do without him”.
4th right : respect yourself regarding your husband. It’s not right to be married and be chatting with some other man. Then he shared an experience that happened while he was in Kaduna of three friends who sought to marry one lady. In the end, one of the three friends married the lady and one night, the husband was going through his wife’s phone and saw his friends number on his wife’s phone (his friend chats his wife). That husband took a knife and stabbed his friend to death.
5th right : she must not allow anyone into the house except the one the husband likes.
There are two issues around this :
1. The husband must know everyone who comes into his house such that if a problem happens, he knows the source. 2. The husband must know everywhere his wife goes.
6th right: she should not deny him whenever he invites her to bed. And the Shaykh shared an experience of man who came to him to report his wife because she would wear nice things in the house and whenever the husband admired her. She said, “You better don’t deceive yourself. Only your eyes has seen it, your mouth will not touch it.” Abu Naasir said, so I followed him immediately to his wife and asked him to summon his wife. Immediately, the woman said the issue is over. The audience laughed.
7th right :she must not anger him even in revenge. The Prophet (saw) said, “Whenever a woman hurts her husband, the Hur (virgins of Jannah) would say” Don’t hurt our husband. He is only a stranger with you. He will soon come to us”.
8th right : she should not remind him of any good she has done for him. Allaah says “Oh you who believe. Don’t spoil your Sadaqah with hurt and by reminding your beneficiary (of the charity).
9th right :she should not ask for DIVORCE without a genuine reason. The Prophet (saw) says that “Women who ask their husbands for divorce without a genuine reason are hypocrites. They will not enter Jannah or smell its fragrance”.
Courtesy @Deen_dclng on #Twitter .