Every man desires a brand new lady for a spouse, even though they may be as guilty as who they despise. Every man wants a virgin for a wife, even though they might have had many girls deflowered while they were in the pit of filths drowned. He who seeks equity, they say, must come with clean hands. If you were a sinner before matrimony, you should be less passionate about having a saint for a partner.
From my little experience arbitrating in marital disputes, especially among young couples like us, I have come to the conclusion, and therefore recommend that issues relating to virginity be extensively discussed between would-be spouses before conjugal knots are tied. This is necessary to nip in the bud the brouhaha that is today rearing its ugly head. The man, for me, should have a fair idea of the state of the lady’s hymen before being licenced to ply that road of honour.
In my opinion, the man should initiate the discussion, as the lady may not have the panache to lay it bare, even if the area of honour is still intact. The lady too should open up notwithstanding the circumstances surrounding the matter. If she is virgin, her tongue should have it expressed with pride. If otherwise, it should be soberly, expressly stated with a synoptic explanation into why her would-be man would not be the first to open her down. There is no need lying about that. Tell him! Heaven will not fall. If he makes a u-turn as a result, know that he isn’t your pre-destined man. Yours will look for you even if you are stalled in the deepest cave.
Where the man isn’t showing any curiosity with respect to the subject matter, the lady, for the lofty sake of her future, should summon the courage to throw up the issue for discussion. It’s not easy but that’s the best. She should tell him expressly albeit soberly. This is what will prevent him from the “had I known…” syndrome that is worryingly rampant today.
Marrying a virgin is physiologically better than getting hooked to a non-virgin. Virginity fosters love between spouses. The woman is automatically held in high esteem. A man who truly knows how uneasy it is to be chaste, these days, will forever appreciate the diamond he has acquired for himself. In fact, the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘aleihi wa salaam) encouraged us men to be desirous of ladies who are sexually untouched and intact. Brother, go for your goal and enjoy your life.
However, virginity is just one out of the too many things needed of a woman. Whoever is married to a non-virgin and is privy to the issues surrounding the loss should take fate and move on with his union. If the woman isn’t attitudinally bankrupt, she will apparently make a soothing wife, mother, friend, partner, lover etc.