The moment it’s announced that a young lady has embraced Islam, everyone would shout ‘Allahu akbar’ and of course, you’d see a number of brothers asking about her marital status so as to shoot their shots if she is single. However, people do not take into cognizance some intricacies involved, they seem to forget that this beautiful new revert is totally ignorant of her new religion, she hasn’t even learnt the basics of Islam, chill and listen. You may marry her right away, only to discover that:
-She still eats and drinks with her left hand.
-She would still be used to starting conversations with ‘hello’, such that she often forgets to say the Tasleem.
-She may still prefer the use of toilet roll than water when relieving herself.
-She might still be addicted to music and movies.
-She might still be inclined to clubbing and free mixing.
-Her heart might still be attached to a Jahilliyah relationship.
-She doesn’t even know how to observe ablution or salaah properly.
-Wearing the full Hijab might still be somewhat difficult for her.
-Fasting and Tahajjud may still be something she detests.
– She doesn’t even know any Adhkaar. etc.
All these and more needs time to be inculcated into/ purged out of her system completely, and she can’t change overnight. Perhaps she still has some feminism ideas in her head and might not even be comfortable with some Islamic rulings in regards to the rights of spouses, so how would you cope with all these if you marry her immediately, especially if you are an impatient suitor who wants a dunya version of a submissive Hurul ayn who never nags, never complains and doesn’t talk back at her husband? It may also be that she would be highly materialistic especially if she comes from a religion that’s all about the material things of the world, how would you expect her not to complain of your poverty or meager salary?
All these factors requires a matured and patient husband to cope with, hence it’s advisable that new reverts shouldn’t be married out to every random suitor that comes knocking. When the Prophet salallahu alayhi wassalam married the woman from Jauniyah who was a new revert, she uttered a degrading word against him, but he ignored it because he knew it was from the remnants of Jahilliyah in her.
، فَلَمَّا دَخَلَ عَلَيْهَا النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ : هَبِي نَفْسَكِ لِي
قَالَتْ : وَهَلْ تَهَبُ الْمَلِكَةُ نَفْسَهَا لِلسُّوقَةِ . قَالَ : فَأَهْوَى بِيَدِهِ يَضَعُ يَدَهُ عَلَيْهَا لِتَسْكُنَ
(When the Prophet entered upon her, he said: “Give yourself to me”
She said: Would a queen give herself to an ordinary man?
He stretched out his hand to pat her so that she might calm down).
The word ‘Sauqa’ in Arab parlance is a humiliating word used for someone who is not rich or not a king, but the Prophet didn’t become angry, rather he tried to pet her. How many husband’s of today would tolerate insultive words from their new revert wives?
When a person embraces Islam, she should be given time to learn the basics of her religion, but if the situation demands that she should be married immediately, then an appropriate suitor should be carefully chosen for her. Else, if she is married out to a random suitor, she may also rush out of the marriage or get divorced within a short time because of things she should have been given time to learn or adjust to. The divorce may either worsen her situation or make her return back to the religion she is coming from.
May Allah grant us patience and rectify our affairs. Ameen
By Abul Banaat