WHEN MEN BECOME “RATS” By Sanni Kay Yusuf


On return from Subh (dawn genuflection) today, my queen expressed how tired she was on account of the marathon duties she had discharged on Eid day.

I was quick to help in the kitchen to put breakfast on the table for us and the kids. I couldn’t even remember the last time I was that nice, for I became lazy at cooking the moment my palace welcomed a queen a decade ago. But today, an internal stimulant had a push on me to act as though I wanted to do it in pity for my fatigued sweetie. “Don’t worry, I will do the cooking for today,” muscle flexed.

For the minutes my cooking spanned, the oven was a special target – the lofty essence of lending wifey a hand. And throughout my stay therein, my mouth danced excessively to startling songs that could only be heard and fathomed by the dancer. Intermittently, I would deep my hand inside the oven, picked up a piece of fried meat and masticate it silently.

This is the season men are usually seen acting the errand-boy script, going back and forth in circumambulation of the kitchen as though therein were a Ka’bah. This isn’t because they are domesticated per se; neither is it because they are idle. It is simply because of the pieces of fried meat lying in the oven.

I doubt if there is a man who is not a “thief” with respect to the above, especially during Eid-ul Kabeer season, where fried meats are abundantly stocked in the kitchen. The man, this season, sleeps late in the night so as to carry out his thievery mission when the wife would have been off to another planet. He wakes early in the morning in order to harmlessly buggle the meat reservoir when the woman wouldn’t have been back to earth.

In my humble opinion, a woman who assigns numbers to the fried meats in the kitchen so as to track her theif-hubby is just wasting her precious time. And I dare say that such a miserly woman is an ingrate to the Creator Who has blessed her with a good eater-husband who appreciatively enjoys her domestication skill.

That’s just on a lighter mood, anyway. One notable beauty of the season is the unprecedented intake of meat, especially rams which are not commonly consumed. The taste is superb, I so attest.

May our lives be spared to witness subsequent seasons.

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