Personally, I have never hid my desire for polygyny both online and in real life. In fact, some of my female colleagues at the University would taunt me for preaching something that I’m yet to practice.
In response, I tell them to chill, that very soon, they all will be invited to my “mathnaic wolimah”.
As a student of Islamic knowledge, I’d always argued that the injunction in Qur’an 4:3 makes polygyny the ideal marriage while monogamy is merely an exception.
Unfortunately, one of the numerous challenges facing the Ummah today is the warped mentality and harsh attitude of most Muslim parents to polygyny. Many parents believe that polygyny is reserved for only widows and divorcees. They will never consent to a marriage between their young and “under thirty” daughter and a (previously) married man. They see such act as a taboo and abomination.
How on earth will their daughter play second fiddle in her marriage? Tufia! She deserves a single guy who will take good care of her, and not “another woman’s husband.”
A close friend once told me about his personal experience on the journey to polygyny has been a nasty and provocative one. He said, ọrẹ, twice, I’ve tried, and twice I’ve been denied. Now, a third attempt is heading for a serious showdown.
Funny enough, it’s the same set of questions that keep popping up despite the ethno-cultural diversities of my never-would-be in-laws.
He narrated a conversation that ensued between him and a brother to one of the ladies. Read carefully what he said:
Him (the lady’s brother): So, why do you want to marry again?
Me (my friend): Same reason why I married before, sir. I want to be happy, guard my chastity, procreate as many as is destined for me, and be a responsible husband and father.
Him: Are you not happily married?
Me: Yes, I am. I want to be happier.
Him: Why do you want to marry (names withheld)?
Me: Because I have the physical, mental and emotional capacity to deal justly among my wives as ordained by the Shari’ah. I see in her outstanding qualities of an ideal wife and mother to our kids.
Him: How old are you and your marriage?
Me: I’m below 40 and my marriage is four years old.
Him: (with a huge sigh of exclamation on his face) Four years is too short to take a second wife and, especially at such a young age.
Me: (Infuriated by the embarrassing response having had a previous experience) Is that from the Qur’an or Sunnah? Or is it just your personal view?
Who determines what age a man marries whether his first or fourth wife?
The thing is, neither does Islam stipulate any particular period as suitable for the practice of polygyny, nor does it set stringent conditions for its practice. In fact, one can contract multiple marriages on the same day with different women.
He can also decide to take a second, third or fourth within days or weeks of his first marriage! It’s his exclusive right, and it should be respected.
However, while we do not condemn the efforts of parents and guardians of the young would-be mathnaas to ensure that their wards are in safe and best hands, we hold that there’s unnecessary extremism in the manner of questions that they ask suitors seeking their daughters’ hands in marriage.
For Allah’s sakes polygyny is neither an abomination nor a curse. It is a proper marriage that gives equal responsibilities and rights to all partners. This unnecessary frustration of suitors must stop, otherwise there would be an embarrassing traffic of young Muslim ladies seeking marriage in the nearest future.
Personally, I feel that the best time to start polygyny is between the first three to five years of one’s marriage when love is still at its peak and the broken hymen is yet to heal. It allows for equal participation in the building of the marriage edifice, and ensure that the children grow up together in an atmosphere of peace and tranquility.
It’s usually problematic after this period (still within the first ten years) especially for the one with two to three children to look after. The worst scenario is when you wait until 20 years has passed on your marriage before informing Ummu of your desire to marry again. So help you God!
Do not create problems for yourselves. Do not turn your houses into war zones and your children to enemies of one another. If you want to enjoy polygyny, go for it at an earlier time, and fulfil your responsibilities towards your family.
The earlier, the merrier. Your time is ticking and it’s ticking fast. What are you waiting for?
Credit : Sirnucy Lafiagi
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