HOW TO PROPOSE TO A MAN.
As muslims, our perception of love and marriage is quite different from what is generally known. So, if you find this post difficult to comprehend, you may wish to skip commenting.
It is perfectly OK for a lady to propose marriage to a man but here are some of the guidelines you should follow:
1. MAKE HIM PROPOSE.
Even though it is permissible for you to propose, it is still culturally more acceptable for the man to propose. So, if he is too shy to bell the cat, send him cues to show that you love him and you are ready to spend the rest of your life with him. Before you do this, make sure that the feeling is mutual. I was merely 17 (don’t judge me o) when I met fine Alhaji (then Fine boy, lol). Let’s just say, it was love at first sight. We connected almost immediately. The chemistry was catalytic. The biology was symbiotic. The physics was magnetic… OK, I’m just kidding! But you see, when two muslims fall in love, there is only one way to go about it – marriage. However, I didn’t go down on my knees with a diamond ring in the lobby of a mall with the whole world looking on. I simply gave him non-verbal cues to let him know that look, you must marry me ni o. He was extremely shy, but he popped the question anyway.
2. SEND SOMEONE.
If after all the cues, he is still hesitant, then send a trusted friend or family member to talk to him. Emphasis on the word “TRUSTED”. If you send your girlfriend who is equally crushing on the guy, or a man who is also interested in marrying you, you are OYO! We have a good example in our mother Khadeejah (رضي الله عنها) who sent her best friend, Nafeesah to propose to the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم). This intermediary also needs to be trusted in terms of his/her choice of words. See what Nafeesah said to the Prophet – “‘Why do you not get married?’ He answered, `My living conditions and financial situation do not allow me to get married’. Nafeesah said, `Will you agree to get married if this problem is solved and a rich, beautiful, and honorable woman from a well-known family asks you to marry her?’. He asked, `Who is this woman you are talking about?’ Nafeesah answered, ‘Khadeejah’… ”
…and the rest is history!
3. DO IT YOURSELF.
Yeah, you can simply walk up to the brother and tell him. Worst case scenario, he will say no. A good muslim brother will not make a big deal out of it or go about ridiculing you among his friends. Something like this also happened during the time of the Prophet. A lady wanted to marry the Prophet. He wasn’t interested in her and what he did was to simply ignore. His silence was understood and taken in good faith. When a guy is interested in you, silence doesn’t mean consent. You will know if he loves you and he will be clear about his response.
4. TALK TO YOUR WALIYY
This is only applicable if you have parents or guardians who understand the sunnah to some extent. Don’t try it with typical Yoruba parents o. They will roast you alive! So, if you have the guts, tell your father (or his representative) to help you talk to the man or the man’s parents. Make sure you do lots of istikhaarah and pray that everything works out for the best.
5. WRITE A LETTER
This may look old-fashioned or childish but guess what? It may work. If you are good at weaving words in a romantic way, write a letter, a short note or poem and send it to him directly or blindly. You can also send a mail or chat message but I DON’T subscribe to loose intermingling over the internet. Writing might also save you the embarrassment of receiving a NO to your face in case he is not interested.
6. EMPLOY THE SERVICE OF A MATCHMAKER
Joining a reliable, islamic matchmaking group is just like sending an open proposal to anyone. It is a better option than searching and proposing by yourself. Talk to your local Ameer, Imaam, etc and let them match you with “available” brothers. Again, this takes a high level of guts.
Finally, whatever you do, NEVER BE DESPERATE. The right man will find you or you will find him at the right time. What is meant for you will not miss you!