The complaint is getting too much, and our women seem absolutely fed up – that their husbands are habitually, unrepentantly involved in what is today called
sexting, that is, having irresponsible, indiscriminate and impious chatting with the opposite gender.
The worst, according to them, is that some even go to the extent of having the pornographic pictures and/or videos of themselves exchanged with one another, thereby stimulating erotic sensations which eventually culminate in carnal gratification.
This matter, for me, is no peculiarity of men. The accusers are as blameworthy as the accused, although the degree by which they are culpable varies, and that of men seems unfortunately alarming. Cases where the act is done at the instance of the women (married ones for that matter) abound. That of a lady who vowed to leave her husband if a man promised to marry her is still fresh in my memory.
This act rears its ugly head with bachelors and spinsters who lack the religious discipline on how to morally and piously relate with each other before marriage. This, many of us – years back before the advent of smart phones – were guilty of. That was when the exchange of messages that could bring about sexual arousal was preponderant. What therefore happens now is just a reflection and consolidation of the luciferous past. It was so bad that brothers who could not do that were regarded as uncivilized, unsociable, and unromantic by sisters. This, no doubt, got many into the pit of fornication which they regret till today. May their sins be overlooked.
Sexting – otherwise known as sex-chatting – is done under the garb of tathniyah. It is today common with men who crave to have second (third or fourth) wives. This, without mincing words, is inclusive of imāms, alfas etc. Truth be told, we seem most culpable as we’ve had some confess to the untoward act.
Marrying another wife is halal, but doing so indiscriminately is harām. Chatting up a would-be wife is allowed, but doing so impiously is disallowed. Indiscriminate chat includes communicating 24/7 with a would-be wife whereas the woman at home hardly gets 1 hour. This is not only unfair but wicked. It is even worse that the communication continues till midnight when the substantive wife should be enjoying her husband. This is not Islām, and exemplary figures like imāms, sheikhs, alfas, and of course, Muslims as a whole shouldn’t be found in such an undignifying mess.
Ladies too – spinsters, divorcees, widows etc. – whose hands are being sort in marriage as second, third or fourth wives are enjoined to always wear their thinking caps when dealing with suitors. Their love or desperation (so to say) shouldn’t cloud their reasoning such that they pretend to forget that which they might never condone if they were in the shoes of the first wives. What sense does it make that you are calling your would-be husband at a time you know he would apparently be with his wife? Is it that you are untrained, uncouth or unrefined?
Where the man is caught red-handed by the wife, rather than go remorseful and turn a new leaf, the shaytanic arrogance in him would make him turn deaf ears to the caution until his revered mightiness is ridiculously lowered by Iblīs.
Sanni Kay Yusuf
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