THE FEMINIST SATIRE By Al-Hassan O. Adedokun
First, it was Maggi, with which every woman is a star but never a man. Then it was Peak Milk and their mysoginist and patriachal attempt to lure Nigerians into buying milk. Thirty Naira milk. God forgive them.
Then, Cowbell; the mother spending precious time to teach the child to pronounce ‘vita-rich’ while the husband was away doing something feminists deem more meaningful and respectable than teaching your child; like elbowing your way through a teeming crowd just to get a sit on a bus. Surprisingly, though, they let us breathe because the kid gave his mum a heartwarming hug, that was enough to bribe the feminists.
Then, it was Indomie. You all remember, ‘Mama you too good’. It was a mother too, cooking for all the kids in the neigbourhood while the father was away. I do not understand how Indomie bribed them into seeing the philantrophic but not the demeaning part of it. It could have been the song. That song was particularly sweet. Senator Adeleke would jump at such golden chance to flaunt his dancing skills.
Feminists were bribed, buoyed by how much love the children showed the woman. That was compensating for the lowly position of a cook which she was reduced too. Next was: ‘Don’t you wish your mummy could cook like mine’. Before i forget, Blueband too. It is always the mother spreading the margarine. Then OMO, they’re guilty of countless offences, I expect Chimamanda to testify against them when they’re taken to court. She will swear by Amadi Oha that she saw an OMO advert where the woman was washing clothes while the man was away. Even Chinua Achebe will heave a heavy sigh from his grave. God knows if that won’t count as a sexual assault.
The muslim feminists too, will listen to Zain Bikha parroting the prophet’s words: that moms are more deserving of love than dads. I guess they don’t listen to the part where he lists the reasons. Feminists are never patient.
Now, it is Three Crowns. The Best Mom Challenge.
Feminists will not have a problem with it.
No one who wants to eat his cake and have it would.
© Al-Hassan O. Adedokun
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