MARRIAGE PERSPECTIVE (4): SETTING THE RIGHT STANDARDS PRIOR TO MARRIAGE By Abu Maryam Ibn Is’haq (Abumaribi)
Marriage as the bedrock of the family upbringing in the regeneration of mankind has been relegated to what some feel to be acceptable. This is because, nowadays many Muslims do not give much consideration to the standards of Islam. In this inferential writeup, I will show you why you do not need to bother about your prospect spouse, if you are satisfied with their religious stance.
“…This day I have perfected for you your religion and completed My favor upon you and have approved for you Islam as religion…” [Surah Al-Ma’idah 5:3]
Islam is such a perfect religion that is non-comparable to any other lifestyle on earth. This is because, Allah the Almighty has already, for a long time, completed His utmost favour on Islam. Hence if you devoutly follow the proper Islamic standards in modelling your lifestyle, your wellbeing will revolves round intense joy and contentment.
The feeling the prospect spouses should have before Marriage is the feeling of satisfaction and assurance, after having taken into consideration all the basic requirements specified by the religious standards. That is, the feeling that; marrying this personality will be an additive and positive means to one’s physical and spiritual lifestyle.
Requesting for affectional dealing without rationalising and understanding their stance in relation to Islamic standards may be a barrier to progressive discussion between the parties, as they would be carried away in love (or lust) and forget about setting certain workable standards for their future affairs.
A plan still remain a plan and any affair that comes before marriage is still a plan towards making the marriage workable, and the realisability of the plan is with Allah alone.
When both parties walk the talk towards the path of fulfilling the divine injunctions of marriage, the prospect spouse will be able to discus issues on a neutral ground and without strong emotional attachment that may result to any form of overlook when the acts that require correction occur. As such they will be able to trash out any form of misconception that may arise in their mind during their workout plan.
In my own opinion, marriage plan should not warrant the parties involving in the act of love affairs, and in the name of courting to have common ground. If the religious standards of the prospect spouses are well accepted by one another, this criteria is enough for the parties to build common ground on. And if their is no other external delay (beyond the prospect spouse control), what should come next is the marriage proper. Trust, loyalty and hope should be build on the standards of Islam, rather than wasting time, trying to perfect (marital) love when the parties are yet to be legally bound.
The prerequisite of living a good and perfect lifestyle, of which marital life is inclusive is in the study of the lifestyle of Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ). This will help in planning and structuring your lifestyle in a contented manner. As it’s well known and established, Prophet Muhammad is not just a Messenger; he is the peak of model for mankind to emulate in character:
“And verily, you (O Muhammad SAW) are on an exalted standard of character.” [Surah Al-Qalam, 68: 4]
About the selection of the suitable spouse, this we read in the Noble Prophet (SAW) Hadith, narrated by Abu Hurairah, that the Prophet (SAW) said:
“A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” [Al-Bukhari (4802) and Muslim (1466), Abu Dawood (Kitabul Al-Nikkah), An Nasai, Ibn Majah]
And he emphasised: “Seek the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” As simple as it sound, the religiously-commited personality takes priority because such Muslims will always obey Allah and His Rasul (Messenger).
So if you really hope for Allah’s Favour in your marriage, it is enough for you to practically follow the Divine guide and not use the state of decay in other marital affairs as your criteria. You have the Injunctions of Allah which is backed up by the practical experience of the Noble Prophet (SAW). Take that as your life standard; make your plan well; aligned with the Pristine Source; fear Allah and put your trust in Him; you will always be saved from any life shackle.
“And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things.” [Surah At-Talaq, 65:2-3]
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